Voluntary and involuntary thinking
Purposeful or voluntary
thinking is under our conscious control, it is initiated by the, I am, or the
presence, some may say, the soul. When we reason, analyse or calculate, then we
are using voluntary thinking, it is purposeful and therefore deliberate. The
effort needed to create thoughts deliberately, is tiring, whereas involuntary
thinking requires no effort at all, the thoughts just appear. Voluntary
thinking also requires desire, we have to want to create those thoughts, and
who would want to create negative thoughts. It is involuntary thinking that
creates our suffering, that and our identification with both those thoughts and
with the mind itself. In the case of obsessional thinking, the individual is
distressed by involuntary thoughts that are not in keeping with his or her
morals or principles, the reason for this is because they are not their own
thoughts, they are the computer minds thoughts. The computer mind has no
morality, no principles, it doesn’t distinguish bad from good, or black from
white, it just generates thoughts based on problems, things we have not
accepted about ourselves yet, and then presents them to us, so that we may
choose.
Attention
The use and control of
attention is one of the principle keys to practising mindfulness, what kind of
emotion we experience will depend in part, as to where our attention is
focussed and the relationship we have with that experience. If we are presented
with shocking news that upsets us, our initial reaction is likely to be a
stream of automatic thoughts related to the event, playing out possible
scenarios in our imagination, at this time our attention will be difficult to
control, with the added problem of experiencing strong emotions that attract
our attention. Similarly if we are presented with a frightening situation and
we allow our attention to focus on the feeling of fear, without accepting that
feeling we may start to have a problem with it. Our relationship with that
feeling changes, to one of dread. When this happens the fear usually escalates
into an anxiety state, and if we psychologically panic, then the body responds
with a panic like state. If however, we are able to control our attention and
focus it on our slowed down regularised breathing, then the fear begins to
subside. If we are able to go further than that and completely accept the
feeling with an attitude of ‘I don’t have a problem with it’, then the fear
will subside much faster, panic has been averted. When we are focussing our
attention in the present moment without thinking, then are just being aware.
Unfocussed attention is a
semi conscious activity, in which our attention is allowed to follow
involuntary thinking, and we believe there is nothing we can about this, we
just accept that we are powerless to even control our own thinking, this is not
true.
Attitudes and relationships to our own feelings
I have already mentioned the
problem of identification with certain thoughts, with feelings this is also
true of depression and anger. When anger is felt, we have a very powerful urge
to ‘go along’ with the anger and vent those feelings either verbally or
physically or both. When we go along with the feeling without consciously
acknowledging and accepting the feeling, then we have identified with it, we
have become one with it. The same thing can happen with fear, but over time we
can also develop a very unhealthy relationship with the feeling, this can
happen with sad feelings too. We begin to live in dread of those feelings, but
the feeling of dread is just another aspect of fear, by being apprehensive
about whether or not we will feel fear, we have unwittingly initiated the very
feeling we were trying to avoid. This should tell us something, we cannot avoid
fear, any attempt to avoid it will automatically ensure that we experience it,
and what doesn’t help is our attitude towards that feeling. In life threatening
experiences, we expect to feel fear, and when we do we accept it as normal
under those circumstances, therefore we don’t have a problem with it. We only
have a problem with fear when we don’t expect to experience it and consequently
do not accept it. Therefore if we are able to change our attitude towards that
feeling, we begin to normalise it, we begin not to have a problem with it.
Attitudes are formed from our
beliefs and expressed as an opinion, if our attitude towards fear for example,
is something to avoid to dread, then it stands to reason that we will bring on
that very feeling. Trying to avoid a feeling does not work because the
avoidance of fear is based upon fear, or non acceptance. When we do not accept
something that is already inside of us, this causes internal conflict, it has
not been resolved.
Not judging is
another way of letting go of fear and experiencing love.
When we learn not
to judge others- and totally accept them, and not want to change them-we can
simultaneously learn to accept ourselves.
Gerald G. Jampolsky
– love is letting go of fear
Men are disturbed
not by things that happen, but by their opinion of things that happen.
Epictus
Appreciation
An important part of
mindfulness is being grateful for what we have, and grateful for what we don’t
have. Some of those things we have, we don’t want, but in the mindfulness
philosophy, they are there in our lives for a reason. Some of those things we
want are not necessarily good for us, we desire them rather than need them, and
some of those things we don’t have, we definitely do not want. We are taught to
be grateful for what we have and grateful for what we don’t have, if we live
our life always trying to appreciate these two opposites then we cultivate
gratitude and satisfaction. To go through our lives believing there are things
missing, only cultivates dissatisfaction. Learning to be grateful is an art
form in itself and a powerful tool for change, many of us spend too much time
considering what we don’t have, considering our loss, waiting for that life
changing lottery win. All the while life passes us by. So much time is spent
trying to acquire those things we think we need to make us happy, that we don’t
stop to appreciate what we already have. A great teacher once said, “it is not
a question of you having everything, it is a question of, do you have what you
want?” All too often we want everything.
When we practice just being
thankful for what we already have, we encourage happiness to reside within us.
Exercise:
Practice cultivating gratitude for what you already have.
Assumptions, Expectations and affirmations
Our expectations are the
bench marks for what life has in store for us, if we live our life always
expecting the worst, them the worst is what we will probably get. This has much
to do with our appreciation of life and our beliefs about our self and others.
The blessings in our life often go unrecognised and unappreciated, our
expectations are based upon what we already appreciate, and what we think is
missing. Expectations are also based upon our concept about our self and life
in general. If we assume that life is meant to be suffered, that there is no
purpose to our life, then we are likely to have poor expectations for ourselves.
To assume that only bad things happen to me, would lead me to expect only bad
things happening in my life. If I assume that what others have said to me, or
about me to be true, I begin to live that reality. Therefore it makes sense to
assume very little, assumptions are rarely based on facts, if we live our life
in expectation that good things happen to us and that even difficult times are
helping me to change to break free of rigid beliefs, then I only look for the
good, I expect life to be generous, forgiving and bountiful. Most of our belief systems are made up of
assumptions rather than facts, we tend to believe what we are told, especially
when told by someone in authority. Affirmations are positive statements about
myself, and these help me to break free of negative assumptions and
expectations, a typical self affirmation might be; “I love and forgive myself
for anything I feel guilty about”. Affirmations affirm our personhood, our
right to be here, and acknowledge that I am continually learning. If this life
is like a school, then I am like a student at this school, sometimes I will get
it right sometimes not, hopefully even when I get it ‘wrong’ I can still learn
from that experience.
If you deliberately
plan (expect) to be less than you are
Capable of being,
then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. You’ll be
evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities.
Abraham Maslow
Acceptance
Almost all difficulties of a
psychological nature, are of a result of non-acceptance of some experience,
belief, thought or emotion. When we resist or deny the reality of now, we
suffer, because we are in a state of inner conflict with that reality, we are
only trying to fool ourselves into accepting something that is not true.
This is because the truth is
sometimes hard to accept, because it does not match our beliefs about our self.
Acceptance therefore plays a big part in our mental and emotional wellbeing. In
mindfulness we learn to observe what is, the is being the reality of that
moment, this does not mean we approve what we observe, we don’t have to like
what we experience, only accept it. Accept what is happening to you within or
subjectively and accept what is happening without judgement, and cultivate
detachment to what is being observed. Cultivation is a gradual change and it
may take many weeks for us to make this practice a natural mental state, it is
so easy to be critical of what we observe, for example; if we become aware of a
desire for another person but we are already committed to someone else, does
this mean we should feel guilt at having this thought and desire, that is
certainly one way of experiencing this reaction, alternatively we could just
observe our desire, and the thought that went with it, without any judgement of
our self. We are able to do this because we realise that these were just
automatic reactions to a certain stimuli, we are not in control of the
reactions, only the choices we make following these reactions. A paedophile who
has unsavoury thoughts about a child may not be in control of their desires or
their thoughts, but they are in control in the choices they make to carry out
the offence or to ask for help in resisting these urges. Sometimes our
emotional reaction to a particular desire or thought may be distress, if we
only focus on the distress we lose all objectivity and become so engrossed in
the secondary feeling that all clarity is lost about the original feeling,
under such circumstances guilt dominates. Objectivising and detachment brings peace
of mind, and once we have accepted what is, we are in a better position to
resolve any feelings and thoughts that trouble us. We must also remember that
what is true now may not be true in the next moment, because our reality is
forever changing in some small way, sometimes in a very big way.
By continually practising
self observation, we can learn to just be the observing consciousness,
remaining curious about the thoughts that flit through my mind and the feelings
that are aroused by these thoughts, and to accept whatever we observe as being
there, not necessarily the truth just there.
When faced with a
difficult problem, do what you can to change it, if this is not possible, try
to get away from the problem, if this is not possible either, the all that is
left is to accept it, anything else is insane.
Eckhart Tolle
The importance of acceptance
In this document you will
hear that acceptance in all forms of therapy is vital, why you may ask is it so
vital to accept something, because what we are talking about accepting here, is
your problem. Without acceptance of what
is really bothering us, how can we even begin to resolve that problem. Without
acceptance we live in a state of denial of what the real problem is, or
resistance to the experienced feeling of fear. Sometimes if we cannot accept
the problem we substitute something else or someone else to take the place of
the problem. The substitute is more acceptable to our way of thinking, and may
be more socially acceptable. An example may be a person who is suppressing
their homosexual tendencies because they find it unacceptable to themselves and
assume to their family, instead they express their unhappiness in other ways,
such as depression. We must be able to accept the reality of what we experience,
as it is in that moment, without
judgement. We may feel a compulsion to analyse and reflect on these
experiences, but this is best done a little later when we are not feeling
distressed and have already accepted the feeling. In this way when we do reflect
a little later we are able to be more objective in our considerations, and if
we try to analyse at the time of experiencing, we are not able to accept the
feeling, our attention will be diverted. Acceptance needs to be practised as
the event is happening, and every time we relive the experience, it is okay for
the feeling to be there, not nice but okay, because that is the reality for
that moment. The feeling is there for a reason, if it is fear, it is telling us
that we are afraid of something; therefore accept that you are afraid of
something, even if you do not know what that something is yet. If it is
depression, accept that you are profoundly sad about something in your life, it
is a feeling that is there bringing it to your attention. What most of us do is
identify with that feeling and
become the feeling, become depressed.
When we practice acceptance
we observe the experience with our awareness, without judgement or analysis,
when we observe the feeling in this way we notice that the feeling starts to
diminish while we continue to observe, as we take our attention away from the
feeling, we will probably notice the feeling comes back. This should tell us
something, consciousness when focussed in this way diminishes negative
feelings.
The feeling has been brought
to our attention, it has fulfilled its purpose, it is now up to us accept the
feeling, to accept my vulnerability, my faults, forgive myself for anything I
think I have done wrong, and be kind to myself, after all I am only human.
Trying to resist the feeling only leads to further internal conflict and
suffering, identifying with the problem and blaming myself, or forming an
unpleasant opinion of myself. In the case of fear as already mentioned, we do
not have a problem with fear in a life threatening situation, it is entirely
appropriate, we expect to feel fear, we only have a problem with fear when we
would not normally expect to feel it in a situation that is not life
threatening. Similarly if we feel very sad but in our own opinion we have no
reason to feel sad, then it becomes a problem. If however I know what is making
me feel sad, then I can accept what is happening as temporary due to the
current cause of my feeling, when I do this there is no identification with the
feeling, it is just a feeling, it is not
who I am.
Some of us would prefer to
feel comfortable all the time, but how realistic is that? Living in this world
with all the stress encountered in so many situations, yet with exception of a
little excitement now and again, our usual reaction to discomfort is to resist
it, it isn’t supposed to be there. It therefore seems natural enough for us to
do whatever we can to de-stress ourselves, to feel comfortable again and we do
this in a variety of ways, our whole approach to stress is; either to avoid it,
or suppress it by using various substances that lower our threshold of
consciousness. The last thing we do is to accept the feeling, whether we
believe it is appropriate or not. The more we try to avoid the feeling of
discomfort (especially fear) the more the feeling surfaces and sometimes with
more intensity, the formula being used is stress=avoid=more
stress, the formula simply doesn’t work. The working formula is; stress=acceptance=de-stress,
In panic disorder the formula
would be; fear=avoidance=reinforcement of fear, the avoidance itself is a form
of fear, just as resistance is. Acceptance is by its very nature, positive, it
is embracing and in its purist form unconditional, there is no stress because
there is no internal conflict.
Loving acceptance
Acceptance can be practised
purely from the act of observing the experience without a running commentary,
the more willingly I accept a feeling the more powerful the effect on that
feeling, more powerful than willingness is loving acceptance. To lovingly
accept a feeling is to transmute it, what could be more of an opposite to fear
than love, in its unconditional form there is no resistance, no conflict. If I
reluctantly try to accept a feeling, it will not work, accepting a feeling
willingly changes the experience, by lovingly accepting a feeling, there is a
radical change in the experience, two opposites cannot occupy the same space at
the same time, and love is the stronger of the two opposites. Lovingly
accepting a feeling is not the same as liking or approving the feeling, we can
love someone without liking them. If you have trouble with the term loving, try
kindness instead, or compassionate acceptance.
None of this is easy at
first, it seems to go against our natural inclination, but with practice it
becomes easier.
Exercise:
Practice cultivating compassion for the feeling of discomfort as though the
feeling were a person.
Exercise: Practice
observing any negative emotion and accepting them unconditionally.
Practising mindfulness with anxiety
Let’s look at an example of
using mindfulness in dealing with anxiety, the first thing we must do is to
practice moment to moment awareness as much as possible for at least a few
days. Focus on the breath as your main ‘anchor’ to the present. When anxiety
provoking thoughts arise, we need to refrain from giving these thoughts our
attention, at these times we tend to treat these thoughts very seriously, we
need to cultivate an attitude of indifference towards these automatic thoughts.
Acknowledge the thoughts ie.. what kind of thoughts they are, then put them in
a metaphorical box and bring your attention back to your breathing, keeping the
breath slow and steady. Responding to the thought will only empower it, whether
there is any substance to the thought or not continuing to worry about it, will
not solve your problem only make you more anxious. Some of these thoughts can
be resolved easily by dealing with the problem, but if this cannot be done at
that moment then continue with your practice, we can only deal with the present
moment, we cannot deal with the thought of tomorrow. Some thoughts do need some
analysis and further consideration, but try to do this later, wait until you
have calmed down and can observe the problem with more clarity, it is so easy
to make a mountain out of a molehill. The second stage is to practice accepting
the feeling itself, we can accept that it is a horrible feeling, but it is
there and is there for reason. Try to accept that it is okay for the feeling to
be there, try not to have a problem with the feeling, the more accepting of the
feeling you are, the less it is a problem, the more likely it is to diminish.
The more we practice at
objectively observing and accepting what
is, we begin to cultivate a detachment from the emotion without denying or
suppressing it. This is very much like the relationship we have with physical
pain, the more we accept it the more likely it is to become a background
experience, extreme pain of course demands appropriate treatment. The aim of
this practice is to learn not to have a problem with anything, this does not
mean we should not care or have a conscience, it just means keeping things in
perspective, not allowing a molehill to grow into a mountain. If we learn to
watch and accept our emotions, we see them rise and fall in reaction to the
many events that come into our life, many of these come as problems, they come
for a little while then go, because that is their nature. Our emotions also
fluctuate, they come and go, if we are able to just watch as a neutral
observer, then we can learn to not have a problem with them. This practice is
not easy, like most of the techniques talked about here, they are difficult to
put into practice and maintain from day to day, but this is infinitely better
than being swept like a leaf in the maelstrom of problems and emotions. The
problem we have with anxiety is in the relationship with this emotion, not in
the feeling of fear itself, as already stated because in life threatening
situations we don’t have a problem with fear.
Exercise:- Focus awareness on
where you feel anxiety or stress the most, making sure you do not analyse or
judge the feeling, just observe the feeling and accept it. It is okay for the
feeling to be there, not nice but okay, because I don’t have a problem with it.
You shall indeed be
free when your days are not without a care, nor your nights without a want and
grief, but rather these things girdle your life
And yet you rise
above them, naked and unbound.
Khalil Gibran
Story telling skills
The stories that we tell
ourselves, result in the beliefs we hold. The way we perceive things to be and
the concept we hold about ourselves we know to be a part of our personality, it
is the story of our self so far. Whatever chapter we are on, the story is not
finished yet, maybe we have had a very difficult life so far, but how the story
continues is up to us, we can change the story line at any time we wish. Many
other people have been involved in our story, influencing us for good or bad if
we see it that way, each one adding or subtracting to the main character in our
story. Is your character the hero or a victim in your story, the baddie or
someone who is just misunderstood. What is the main theme of my story, am I
searching for something, am I lost, am I a prisoner and helpless to free
myself? Part of the mindfulness process is understanding why I think the way I
do, why I hold certain beliefs to be true and not others, and the part my
beliefs have in influencing my behaviour. If I hold strong negative beliefs
about myself, such as “I am useless”, what is the evidence to support this
belief and what is the evidence against it. If I have been told by an important
character in my life that I am a failure, does this mean that I am a failure,
what makes this person so qualified to make that very judgemental statement? A
failure in what, my own experience in working with people who have low self
esteem has shown me that these people always see the worst in themselves, but
rarely do they see the positive or the good that is evidently there, their
story is very biased against them and bares little resemblance to reality.
Exercise:-
Identify the beliefs that lie behind the automatic thoughts we you experience,
write them down along with any assumptions you have about your self, others and
the world. Write down your expectations, are they reasonably achievable?
Exercise:- Is
your story unfolding as you would like, if not try re-writing your story the
way you would like it to progress, it might be useful to keep a diary recording
your progress in this respect.
Is it possible to be free of our problems?
Many of the people I have
treated for anxiety disorders, have an unrealistic expectation that they should
not be feeling severe anxiety, and that because they do, means they have in
some way failed. Whether we are experiencing fear, depression or some other
psychologically based problem, we maintain these problems because we see them
as problems. There is something that we are reluctant to accept and this is the
root of our problem, that something is usually something about our self. These
problems threaten our self concept, the same self concept that says “I should
not be frightened of going into a supermarket”, or “I should not be feeling
depressed”, being in denial about our experience will never work. Only by
accepting what I am experiencing now is real, but refraining from identifying
with that experience, if I have hurt my big toe, I can feel the pain but I do
not identify with it, I do not become the pain. In the same way why is it we
become depressed or become anxious, it would be more accurate to say we
experience a depressed mood, or experience anxiety, in this way we begin the
process of detachment from the experience. Not all our problems though are
psychologically based, Eckhart Tolle had something to say about this.
If you can change
the problem do it, if you cannot change the problem then leave it, if you
cannot do either then accept it, anything else is insane.
Eckhart Tolle
Suffering
only hurts when you fear it
Suffering
only hurts because you complain about it,
It
pursues you because you flee from it.
You
must not flee, you must not complain, you must not fear,
You
must love.
Because
you know quite well,
Deep
within you, that there is a single magic,
A
single power, a single salvation and a single happiness and that is called
loving,
Well
then love your suffering.
Do
not resist it, do not flee from it, taste how sweet it is in its essence,
Give
your self to it, do not meet it with aversion, it is only aversion that hurts
nothing else.
Herman
Hesse
Your
pain is the breaking of the shell that
encloses your understanding.
Khalil Gibran
Steve Krzyszkowski 17th
October 2012
